The first session about money sets the tone for the rest of the process. If the documents aren't in, the parties spend the session making lists. If one party arrives with a spreadsheet the other has never seen, it starts with suspicion. A little preparation by the neutral prevents both.
Here are nine steps to take before the first financial session.
1. Confirm who's on the team
List every professional involved: each party's attorney or consulting attorney, any financial neutral or CDFA®, coaches and any child specialist. Agree on who receives what and how information is shared.
2. Send both parties the same document checklist
The same list, sent at the same time to both parties. That's good practice and it signals neutrality. Include tax returns, pay stubs and statements for bank, retirement, investment and debt accounts, plus real estate and insurance records.
3. Set one secure way to submit documents
Tell both parties how to upload documents securely, and who will be able to see them. Email attachments scatter documents and raise confidentiality concerns.
4. Flag the dates that will matter
Date of separation, valuation dates, and any deadlines set by the court or the parties. You don't need to resolve them yet. Just make sure everyone knows they'll come up.
5. Review what's arrived and list the gaps
Before the session, check what each party has submitted. Send a short, neutral note listing what's still missing, rather than raising it for the first time in front of the other spouse.
6. Build a draft balance sheet from the documents
Start the session from a draft built from the source documents, with the source and date of each figure noted. Present it as a draft for the parties to confirm, not a conclusion.
7. Note the characterization questions
Premarital accounts, inheritances, gifts, and property bought or refinanced during the marriage. Write down the questions you'll need to explore, without taking a position.
8. Ask about immediate cash-flow needs
Who is paying which bills right now? Is anyone short on money before a final agreement? Temporary arrangements often need attention before long-term planning can start.
9. Share an agenda in advance
A short agenda sent to both parties a few days ahead reduces anxiety and keeps the session focused.
Printable checklist
- Team roster and information-sharing agreed
- Same document checklist sent to both parties
- Secure upload method set up and explained
- Key dates flagged
- Submissions reviewed, missing-items note sent
- Draft balance sheet built from source documents
- Characterization questions listed
- Immediate cash-flow needs identified
- Agenda shared in advance
Make the first session the easy one. VennBoard gives neutrals one place for both parties' documents and a verified starting balance sheet everyone can see. Start my pilot
This article is general information about mediation practice, not legal advice.