Every family-law-adjacent practice has a few engagements per year where the case turns on Be Disciplined but Open. The practitioners who handle those moments well were preparing for them long before they happened.
Written for mediators considering Be Disciplined but Open as one of several possible practice directions, with limited time to evaluate which one is worth pursuing.
Mediation involving Be Disciplined but Open often benefits from explicit education for both parties on the substantive issues before negotiation begins. A mediator who spends 20 minutes walking both parties through the basics of Be Disciplined but Open levels the information asymmetry that often blocks productive discussion. This is education, not advocacy — and it’s a core mediator skill.
The first question every client raises
The second most common question is about cost. mediators who answer with a single number for Be Disciplined but Open matters usually end up unhappy when the matter expands; practitioners who answer with a tiered structure (the diagnostic phase, the analytical phase, the closing phase, each with its own cost range and triggers for moving to the next) build trust and protect their economics.
The single most common question clients ask in their first Be Disciplined but Open call is some version of ‘how long will this take?’ The honest answer is usually between three and eight months — but with hard variability based on the responsiveness of opposing parties, third-party document custodians, and (in litigated matters) the court calendar. Practitioners who give clients a range with specific factors that could lengthen or shorten it produce more realistic expectations than those who quote a single number.
The mistakes that recur
Many mediators undervalue their work in Be Disciplined but Open matters because they’re comparing their hours to their general practice rather than to other specialists in the area. The right comparison is to others doing the same work, not to your past general practice. Practitioners who recalibrate their pricing against the right peer group price their work appropriately.
Practitioners often fail to recognize when a Be Disciplined but Open matter has crossed from analytical work into advocacy or therapy. The work has clean boundaries — analytical work is appropriate; advocacy or therapy beyond your role is not. Recognizing the boundary and referring out when appropriate is one of the markers of senior practice.
Recent shifts in the practice area
Be Disciplined but Open has shifted in three meaningful ways over the past five to seven years. First, the volume of data available in most matters has grown dramatically — bank, brokerage, retirement, and credit records are routinely available in electronic form, which both enables deeper analysis and creates more work to organize. Second, the regulatory and tax environment has shifted (most notably the 2019 federal alimony tax change for divorces). Third, the client population has become more sophisticated; clients increasingly come to Be Disciplined but Open matters having done meaningful online research. For deeper reference, see ABA Family Law Section resources.
Working remotely with co-professionals on Be Disciplined but Open matters has become routine since 2020. Most mediators now run substantial portions of their engagements through video conferences with clients in other cities, secure document exchanges, and coordinated calls across multiple professionals. The infrastructure for distributed case management has matured.
The decision before the decision
If the answer is ‘yes, I want to commit to Be Disciplined but Open as a focus area,’ the first six months should be heavy on relationship-building, infrastructure investment, and one or two carefully-handled cases. Build the engagement-letter template. Attend the family-law section meeting. Read the foundational texts. The case flow follows the foundation, not the other way around.
A simple test: do the matters in Be Disciplined but Open that you’ve already handled interest you? Practitioners who genuinely enjoy the analytical work and the relational dynamics tend to build sustainable practices in Be Disciplined but Open; practitioners who found the matters tedious tend not to, regardless of the market opportunity.
If you’re considering Be Disciplined but Open as a focus area and you want one concrete commitment to make: pick the upcoming family-law conference closest to you and commit to attending every year for the next five years.
How VennBoard fits in
VennBoard supports the kind of case-management discipline Be Disciplined but Open engagements benefit from: organized case files, integrated communication with co-professionals, deliverable versioning, and the kind of operational consistency that makes the difference between burning out at twenty matters and running a sustainable practice at fifty.
Learn more about how VennBoard fits into a mediator practice focused on Be Disciplined but Open at VennBoard.com.